From the start Andy and I knew we didn't want a church wedding. We wanted to marry the way our ancestors did. Andy is K'ómoks and Kwakwa̱ka̱'wakw, and I'm Haida, so Andy wrote the ceremonies in a way that maintain the traditions from both sides. Intertribal marriage is not new to our people. It was one of the primary methods of bringing prerogatives from one region to another since time immemorial.
Andy spent years researching our marriage traditions so we could hold them ourselves. We asked cultural knowledge keepers, dug deep into historical texts, travelled to museums across Canada and the US to see historic gisaxstala and other ceremonial objects in person. Then we recreated those objects for our own ceremonies. We're sharing what we learned so the knowledge is passed on to others who wish to leave the imposed marriage traditions and move toward the traditional ways once again.
We want the next generation of Indigenous couples to know these ceremonies are here for them to use. It makes us so happy to know that outside ourselves and my daughter Marlo and her husband Karver, two additional couples have used this research and brought these traditions into their own recent marriages. It is also important to note that the eight flanged boards made for our ceremony are being kept together so they can be loaned to other families who want to carry the ceremony forward.
Colonialism changed how our people married, and over generations a lot of the knowledge around our ceremonies became hard to find. The Kwakwa̱ka̱'wakw never stopped holding their marriage ceremonies, but the ceremonies changed so they could survive. Over time the old ḵadzitła and the later ḵutexa were compressed into one ceremony, and the groom's payment of a brideprice mostly disappeared. That was one key aspect that we brought back.
Haida Gwaii, June 25, 2022
Andy's brothers Rob and Rick Everson, with Wedlidi Speck, called on the K'ómoks ancestors to lift me as the bride. Once I agreed to be lifted, Andy's family brought forward the brideprice: more than 300 custom blankets with cash added. Our marriage started with Andy's family materially supporting mine.
We brought in an old Haida tradition too. My brother Jesse led me to a marriage mat, where I sat beside Andy and took his hand while the Haida sang a love song. The marriage was completed when the copper Xwa̱lg̱wa̱malis was transferred from my family to Andy's.
K'ómoks, two years later
Then it was my family's turn. In the ḵutexa, the bride's family repays the marriage and returns wealth by double to the groom's family so they can potlatch. We arrived in a metaphorical catamaran of goods (bentwood boxes, copper bracelets, blankets and food) bounded by gisaxstala.
From our museum research, Andy's nephew Karver made eight cedar flanged boards. He set them with more than 500 replica sea otter teeth cast in resin from Royal BC Museum moulds. Andy also designed fifty flat boards inlaid with abalone and mother-of-pearl, and all fifty were given away to guests at the potlatch.
Andy and Rob inspected the boards. Andy's youngest brother Jessie split the Dogfish board, made for me, with an axe to sink the catamaran. My son Kaiah carried the copper, and my son Kobe carried a box of treasures made by my daughter Marlo. Then I crossed over to Andy's side.
Later that same day, Marlo and Karver held their own ḵadzitła. Karver's family paid 300 blankets, each with a $20 bill, and Marlo sat with Karver on a marriage mat she wove herself.
Learn more, 3min videos about the ceremonies
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Stronger Together: Reclaiming Indigenous Marriage Traditions is open at Totem Design House, 3250 Comox Rd, Courtenay, Tuesday to Saturday until the end of March 2027.
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